We don't have to waste a lot of time and screen to agree that one of the first tasks of the day is to open Facebook to check news, photos, or our friends. Is it necessary?
But still, it is necessary.
One of the first tasks of the day is to check the Facebook inbox and then continue our lives. (If you are about to comment that you don't have Facebook to ignore the signer, first explain to us why you entered ’ an article called ‘The tribes of the Facebook inbox’).
Αυτό που μας κρατά σε εγρήγορση ακόμα σχετικά με τα μηνύματα του Facebook είναι το απρόβλεπτο του αποστολέα. Ποτέ δεν ξέρεις ποιος αποφάσισε να σου στείλει ένα πριβέ μήνυμα και κυρίως γιατί αποφάσισε να το κάνει.
Τα δευτερόλεπτα που μεσολαβούν απ’ τη στιγμή που βλέπεις τον αριθμό στο κόκκινο πλαίσιο πάνω απ’ το φακελάκι μέχρι εκείνη που κλικάρεις για να δεις ποιος είναι και τι θέλει, κάποιο αόρατο χέρι στάζει ένα υποκατάστατο αδρεναλίνης στο μυαλό και, τσουπ, εγένετο στιγμιαία έξαψη.
Fateful, after hundreds of thousands of messages in the inbox, we can divide them into a few basic categories, mainly because elsewhere less and elsewhere more, we have shone in all from time to time.
So:
*opens his inbox and begins recording*
*looks at old messages and delays the writing for about 40 minutes*
*replies also to 2-3 that he had forgotten to answer*
The group chatters
Key features: You and your three, four, five best friends. Lots of free time. Discussions that don't advance humanity one millimeter.
Trademark tagline: “Your news”
The pros: You comment on everything that's happening as it's happening because 'oh boy, what time is it now that all five of us are syncing up and going out to talk'. You don't charge your phones. If you ever manage to get together, you'll have arranged it from this group chat because it's convenient.
The downside: The times when you're not online and others have exchanged 372 messages that there's no way you'll read. A fail that legitimizes, at least in my eyes, a very nice leave conversation.
Those who invite people for birthdays/celebrations/their premiere
Key features: One sender, over 80 recipients and a series of Giorgos B. left the conversation. The invitation message is 5-6 lines long and definitely contains the words “sorry”, “mass message”, “but”.
Trademark quote: “You are all very special to me and it would be an honor to see you there”
The pros: Someone has a birthday, is celebrating, or at least has an important date ahead of them.
Cons: It's very inelegant to walk away from such a conversation, it's like closing the door in the other person's face. On the other hand, it's equally unpleasant to have the envelope light up every three minutes because of some guest who said to send 72 hearts to the sender.
Friends from’ the old days
Key features: The last time you spoke, Panathinaikos had two stars on their jersey. Maybe one. They're the ones you'd avoid talking to if you happened upon them on the subway.
Trademark line: “Hey, how did the years go by like this?”
The pros: With a closed dribble like "hey, how many years have passed, I'm running to a job now and we'll talk later if it's possible", it's most likely that they will never text you again.
Cons: They'll send it back to you the next day.
The ‘birthday wishers’
Key features: They only send it to you on your birthday.
Trademark quote: “Happy birthday, friend, whatever you wish for”
The pros: Someone wishes you a happy birthday. It's a wish, it's not shit.
The cons: You doubt if he'll recognize you on the street. Basically, he won't.
Friends who live in the U.K
Key characteristics: They want to return to Greece, they miss it, but either they can't leave their master's degree halfway through or they don't dare give up a salary of 2,500 pounds.
Trademark quote: “I booked tickets for December”
The pros: You miss them, you keep in touch, you don't get lost, and you know each other's basic news. This is perfect when they return to Greece and you don't have to spend two days and nights catching up.
The cons: You talk about Greece all the time. You analyze Bartzokas' resignation with more fervor than anything related to the Island.
The sharks
Key features: Someone told them they can inbox anyone they like, because you never know what might happen. They dedicated their lives to the Purpose.
Trademark quote: “Hey, how are you? Nice profile pic”
Pros: –
The cons: It's not bad to talk and inbox someone you like. Let's not be too harsh, let's admit two basic things. We've all done it. The problem is that sharks are dedicated to the Purpose. Just like wannabe poker pros play eight tables online at once, they chat in eight different windows. Now two up, two down, are we going to screw up?
The ‘reporters’
Key features: They identify the person who can help them with something (ed. they usually don't know them personally) and knock on their inbox. This something can be ANYTHING that can bother the recipient.
Trademark quote: "Hey, with all your courage..."
The pros: They're dobros, clear and fast. They know that you know they want to get you going, there's no need for tedious introductions.
Cons: They want to burden you.
The relatives
Key features: They have no idea about Facebook, the internet, or inbox. They saw your photo somewhere and wrote you a message.
Trademark line: “Hahahahahaha, come on Elias, I'm the mom”
Pros: I know, it's nice to have your parents have fun.
The cons: You have nothing to say to your mom or her siblings or your uncle who lives in Australia via the internet.
Οι spammers
Key features: “Like here and help me in this awesome gardening contest I'm participating in.”
Trademark tagline: “Like here and help me in this awesome gardening contest I'm participating in”
The pros: You learn that gardening competitions are still held.
The cons: If you wanted to help, you would have grabbed the prospective gardener and said, "Prospective gardener, how can I help you?"
Those who get bored more than regular people
Key features: They text multiple times a day, waiting for you to be online. Almost always, you ask them 'what's up?' and they reply 'I'm bored'. Sometimes they reply 'nothing'.
Trademark line: "I was going to come over here to hang out, but I don't know what's wrong with me today, I'm too tired to move"
The pros: It's. Always. There.
The cons: Your conversations are copy-pasted from last week's. You say the same thing over and over again. You're starting to get bored too.
The ‘thank you for the add, do we know each other from somewhere?’
Key features: You speak once and for all during your Facebook friendship. They say thank you, you say please.
Trademark quote: “Thanks for the add, do we know each other from somewhere?”
The pros: You have one more friend on Facebook (for any legal use).
The cons: You have one more friend on Facebook, with whom you will never talk.
Those who do not belong to any of the above tribes
Key features: They use the inbox to talk to boys, girls, friends and relatives.
Catchphrase-trademark: –
The pros: Long live the non-members who simply take advantage of the benefits of technology, while at the same time keeping their relations with the rest of the world warm.
The cons: They have shouted at all the other tribes, forgetting that they have made (at least) a passage through some, somewhere, once.
Source: oneman.gr
